i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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