just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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