thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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