my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
farters have to be the big spoon...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?