You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
