you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
