Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
