Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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