I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
