we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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