your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
