ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize