That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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