You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
