he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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