Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
