the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
