Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
