This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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