you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
