the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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