Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
