I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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