when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
