I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
