my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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