My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
