my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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