ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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