oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
