I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
