This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
