is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
