Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
