I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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