This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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