i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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