She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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