She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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