if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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