You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux