I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.