I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident