Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
