I cockslap morals
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
