nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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