Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
