this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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