you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
