I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
