So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
