Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
