the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
