what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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