If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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