Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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