so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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