i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
