I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
