I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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