i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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I stole a fireplace last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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