No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize