I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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