so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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