im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
