Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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