it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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