too bad you live with your parents still
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
