There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There r osticjed everywhere
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sext me about skeletons
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
