the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
