He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
