He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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