I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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