u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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